Love in a marriage sometimes fades, not so much from angry battles, sexual frustration, financial problems, or in-law difficulties, but because it exhausts itself trying to scale the wall of a communication failure. Those who take to learn the principles of effective communication will discover, as a result, a new dimension in their marriage. Most marriage counselors list communication difficulties as a major cause of marital difficulty, but it is not only a difficulty in itself-it often shows up as a symptom of wider, more disturbing problems.
Whether a couple go on a honeymoon or not, they will become aware of various changes in life - that will occur as a result of getting married.
Personal Changes
An initial enhanced self-concept is a predictable consequence of getting married. Your parents and closest friends will arrange their schedules of participate in your wedding and will give you gift to express their approval.
Although the U.S. Census Bureau does not keep records on the extent to which married women are keeping their maiden names, more and more women are and the trend is increasing. Reasons include the delay of marriage, during which time a woman establishes a professional identity she does not want to lose, pride in one’s own family name, and an awareness of the high divorce rate and the desire to avoid having a name to remind you of a bad marriage it ends. Options include the woman (for example, Mary Smith getting married to Mark Smith), hyphenating her last name (Ms. Mary smith-Adams), or using her maiden name as her middle name. (Ms. Mary S. Adams) Whatever the decision, it is important to use the same name consistently and to make sure that the name you are using is registered with the Social Security Administration, and the Internal Revenue Service.
Whoever coined the expression "settle down" or "to be at peace" as referring to marriage must have been either joking or ironic. We are aware that some marriages are actual battlefields. Others are a tense uneasy truce. Only "sense of shame" and respectability and the children hold husband and wife in seeming togetherness. Sometimes, somewhere, love has gone.
Couples now a days are in the same dangers. They are not immune to the tensions and conflicts of married life. Their marriage does not automatically become happy or harmonious, or full of love on the mere strength of the word "Christian." Times of deep pain, tears and unloving to come and sometimes we wonder whether it is worth it all.
The goal of problem-solving is for family members to assist one another in solving their own problems. Surprisingly enough, giving advice and suggestions are often not helpful problem-solving tools, yet they are the moist likely ways we try to help our friends and colleagues.
Get an agreement. Make sure whomever you’re talking with actually wants you to help them solve the problem. Just because they start to complain or discuss a problem does not mean that they actually want you to start helping them solve it. They could simply want someone to listen or they may need an “Ain’t It Awful” session. So if someone gets into a problem without specifically asking for help in problem-solving, ask him or her directly, “Can I help? Shall we have a problem-solving session or what would be useful?
While these adjustments are normal reactions to the changes that come with working from home or both of you are working, they can produce conflicts that need to be resolved so both your business and your relationship can be successful. Here are a few rules of thumb we and other couples have found useful in resolving conflicts before they become ongoing problems.
God did not intend marriage to demonstrate woman's equality with man. He instituted it to show exactly they fit and need one another in this life. Eve completed Adam and Adam complemented Eve. They belonged to each other as two parts of one whole -the wonderful handiwork of the Almighty. Adam claimed his wife as "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh."
There was no question in God's mind as to whether they were equal or not. The "one flesh" injunction would not have been a possibility if one had been inferior to the other. "In our life in the Lord," Paul said, "woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman; For as woman was made from man, in the same way man is born of woman; and all things come from God . . ."
Remember your marriage vows? "for better . . . for worse . . . in sickness . . . and in health . . . to love and to cherish . . ." A wedding anniversary is a good time to talk over your marriage, and to consider how well things are working out. We go for check-ups with our dentist or doctor, so that through wise, preventive, measures we can ensure good physical health. An occasional marriage check-up, taken seriously, prayerfully and intelligently, will help to maintain good emotional health in our marriage.
Here are some powerful ways to preserve your marriage and ensure that your relationship remains healthy and vibrant across the years:
Nurture the Spiritual Side Of your Marriage. "We had God in our lives and we stayed focused on that," says couple who are successful in their marriage. To nurture the spiritual side of marriage, make it a habit to attend church together, study the Word of God together, and pray earnestly and frequently with and for each other. It also means applying to your relationship the many Bible passages that call us to be kind, compassionate, gentle, loving people. Marriage benefits when couples shape their common life together by the various biblical passages that call them to authentic ways of living and relating. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
I add this column "relationship" because I believe that financial freedom begins in a healthy relationship at home, family, marriage, society and to GOD.
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